I'm in love with you , yet i cant get you because i'm not sure if i can make you happy

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Misson !!! complete !!! MUAHHAHA successfully in shocking you with all the balloon !! that i filled up my room with de hehe XD . See you this few days keep stressing yourself up i very worried . Thus i came up with all this to shock you and cheer you up . with the balloon , cake , and present haha . Hope the cake taste nice haha . Although alot stuff have been happening between us , but i always treat them seriously as in the word that you told me . I never wanted to lose you . Next year de birthday , i'll make it even better than this year de RAWR . Whatever happen today is really very fun . Thanks for coming into my life . actually today also nothing much to post LOSL . k la end here ba haha .

5:17 AM
TomatoBun

Friday, February 26, 2010

Today was a funny day for me . After reading this post some might think i'm foolish , some might think i'm stupid , some might think i'm a idiot and some might think i'm a weaking i guess ? Today cause someone told mi she dont have money to eat as she forget to bring it out . I was angry and worried ofcouse because i had seen this person having a gastric pain before and i do not want to see her suffer again . So i'm super angry with her because she didnt want to borrow money from her friend and she feels bad if i were to buy food and delivered it to her . Rather than angry i'm more of a worried . What if she were to fainted without me knowing ? and anything could have happened to her without me knowing . And what if suddenly i were to recieve a call from the hospital ? what will i be able to do at that moment ? nothing at all other than blaming myself . Rather than blaming her ? i would put all the blame to myself . It's my fault for not insisting delivering food to her . Haix i'm really out of solution . All i can do is blaming it on myself instead . This afternoon i was suppostingly to meet her and than in the end we played a funny game . Do you wanna know what isit ? It's the waiting game ... 4hours of waiting at the amk mrt station makes me look like a fool sitting down at 1 entrance waiting for the one i love . Every hour passes i would always asked myself , is she coming ? or is she not . Should i just walk away as though i haven been here before . But at the very end i still continued waiting for her arriver . Because i told myself i love her didnt i ? since i love someone so much that i miss her every single moment , why cant i just wait for her for just a few hours ? No matter how long it takes , no matter how angry i will be , the moment i see her will be the moment my smile will appeared . i'm silly didnt i ? waited for someone who is not even my girlfriend for 4hours . Maybe to you guys out there i'm a fool , a silly guy , a idiot or a dambass . But to me i dont think so . i think that what most important is the attitude and heart you are preparing to give away just to see her face . Just to have her stand infront of you . I finally waited her for 4hours and she finally appeared . i was speechless as i was too happy at that moment . Finally , finally i have waited her till the moment she appeared . 4Hours exchanges for 30minute of time being together . i'm happy enough . Even though i show attitude infront of her . i show her i'm piss off . But within my heart , i'm actually very happy . The reason why i show her attitude is because i wanted her to notice me , i wanted her to worried about me . But something happen . She found out something about me that makes her real angry . I'm really sry for doing those stuff . I'll quit i promise . i wanted her to be happy yet i'm guessing i have make her cry this very moment when i am typing this . What kind of man am i ??? to be able to make my love one cry . Haix i'm such a failure . What most funny is that i told her i couldnt finish the bowl of noodle but she insisting me in finishing it . i nearly vomit it all out but i didnt show her that . I bare it within me and continue eating , continue eating until the last bit of noodle . I'm hungry i admit since i didnt eaten anything ever since morning but i still tried my best to eat it all because i didnt want her to be sad . What ever i said in this post i really mean it . I'm sorry for all the trouble that i have cause you . I'm sry that i'm just a useless guy . I'm sorry that i had make you cry . i'm sorry that i make you angry . i'm sorry that i keep making you say sorry to me today . But i will promise you , i'll turn into a better guy that you will love whole heartedly . I promise you that i will take good care of you letting no one else bullied . i'll promise you that i'll become a guy that u will be admiring . So please give me a chance to take care of you will you ? Would you become my gf ? Please give me a chance to turn these words into real . Next coming tues will be your birthday le . Your 16th birthday . This sunday we will be celebrating . I hope that you will enjoy yourself to the fullness this sunday . Its something that i had plan it out and hoping you will like it . I'm abit depress right now but i will be back to my ownself by night fall . So i hope to see you back to your oldself too . Sorry that when you cried , i wasnt by your side . Sorry that when you need someone i wasnt by yourside . But from this moment onwards , i hope that whenever you need me , i'll be able to appear right before you and hug you tightly towards me . Last but not least , thankyou for appearing into my life , thankyou for showing me support for everything . I love you . It's from the bottom of my heart .

1:55 AM
TomatoBun

Sunday, February 21, 2010

nothing much tonight . Just feeling kind of bored dont you think so ? alone late at night , spending the night alone and missing your love one . All this make up the night lonely dont you think so ? To say the truth , i'm missing someone right now . i'm missing her deeply as i always did but tonight was missing her even more . i dont know why . Yesterday she sms mi late around 7pm ? her sms makes her sound that she's in trouble . If you really in love with someone you could tell how she feel even by her sms . *well actually her sms got haix thats y i know LOLS* get to know from her that she is worrying about her friend . 1 of her friend is in trouble and is in need of cash . i know that alot of you would proberbly tell me not to lend . I know if that person was my friend i wouldnt have lend him too but it was the one i love who came and ask mi for help . Its the 1st time that she had come to mi for help . i couldnt think much . I wanted to see her smile . So i have decided to help her . i'm helping her not her friend . now i'm just waiting for time to pass than around 930am going school to do some self study before exam which starting around 2.30pm . i'm sleepy yet i cant sleep haix . i'm hungry yet there was no food . i miss you yet you are not here haix . Now you are still here with me i'm happy even tho i might be lonely but at least i know that you are still here but if 1 day you were to leave my side i would be lonely forever . i would feel lost . later gonner go buy cowboy whiskey $12 only !! hehe so cheap~~ but i dont know nice or not =x . had never tried before . But after today i jiu know le hehe . Going to try it after my exam hehe !!! use it to celebrate the start of my HOLIDAY !! WOOHOO i wish i could celebrate with her but look like it's .. impossible le haha she's going to be busy later on . But it's alright . i wish she will be safe and happy . Wish she could have fun later on since she got cca . I'm going to be here cheering you up !! i wanted to be a support pillar for you . K la thats all for tonight le ba . byebye people . night night ^^ opps morning le LOLS morning morning ^^

2:07 PM
TomatoBun

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Chinese new year is finally over le .. birthday is finally over le .. over without any celebration from someone i really wish she would celebrate with mi but she didnt so .. this year birthday was nothing different from the past years haix . alone again .. this year de hong bao money is quite alot . more than the past year was planning to buy iphone with it but dad .. haix wanna mi give 3/4 of it back to them .. like that i like never had chinese new year at all . if they wanted the money back than what for still give mi in the 1st place ? If u guys wan it so much than i give you all back la ... i give you all every single amount i got back . happy ?? u think i buy phone still need depend on you all ?? i dont know how work to earn my own money ?? 200+ neh ? i can earn in 4days . no maybe 3 . or even 2 .. anw this year wasnt really a good year for me . Today went out with carol go eat ice cream haha . was at woodland mrt station waiting for her around 3pm and i saw something ... dont wish to talk about it . Than after she come le we go swensen . At 1st wanted to eat the dont know what ice cream de than waited 25min than got people come tell us got 1 item within the ice cream de sold out ... Than we order earthquake next lor . eat abit onli she say full le lols .. sian bully mi sia i have to finish every one of it . But o well it's nice anw . at least never wasted my $20++ . Than after that go her house there plan to help her with her math de . Than turn out to be paper 1 o shit i am in that LOLS . whole paper i only know like 2question ?? lols too many things forget le . was hoping paper 2 since i'm better at it . After that talk talk abit than go home le . Been missing someone but i guess she is finding mi bothering her ba so i guess maybe it's time i stop smsing her le ba haix .
Decided to return to my old self for 2months . return to how i use to be when i treat my ex. maybe this will make her love mi more ? hu knows ? worth trying it out i guess ? i really love her alot . i'm 100% determind that i wanted to be with her but maybe like carol say de i'm just not the kind of guys gal will like ba ? haix . 1months + le . i stll cant get her heart to turn towards me haix .

2:42 PM
TomatoBun

Friday, February 12, 2010

well today morning around 4am ++ i fainted lols due to the lack of sleep for 5 days . Being chionging my project . Than afternoon go to the couple rock there with the thinking of hoping someone would come after seeing my sms but .. my wait was wasted . She didnt appeared in the end . i was sad .. heart broken into pieces . nothing could have being able to express my feeling and emotion at that very point in time . All i could do was keep telling myself maybe she didnt saw the sms ? or maybe she just had something on last minute . I really wanted to give myself and her a 2nd chance to be together . I didnt want lose her T.T i really dont want to . Than after waiting went back home to do modani project and finish it up and ready to hand in . Reaches school around 5pm ? and heard that keong they all still flying their plane woohoo i walk to the field which is quite far away ? and saw a plane flying in the sky damm cool . should have taken a picture . The plane turning was power i tell you . i initally thought that it was a pro flying the plane but it was keong blue angel wootz !!! damm cool . Than i reach already it's yihao turns . err something happen tho . His plane crush . I dont think i should talk more about it . So after that at night went to CQ for clubbing , but in the end we went pub to drink and dance . i tell you the song sux !!! fucking cb sia cant get high . ok nvm than we jiu go walk walk walk around CQ than sit down by that time yihao super tired already than he fall asleep 1st . Than mi and keong talk abit lor . About relationship stuff and abit about other stuff than soon later we also fall asleep by the time we woke up , i was freezing already LOLS . Morning breeze was like wootz . Than now just reach home lor . ok ba thats all . Happy Chinese New Year to everyone .

Thank guys for celebrating my birthday earlier . Tho the payment part wasnt even fun at all infact it hurts ?? lols but overall i'm happy about it . cause it's the 1st time friend celebrating my birthday for me so ya . and for the relationship part .. alot of people being telling me to forget about this flower there is still alot behind this flower . what yours is yours what not yours will nv belong to you . i ofcouse understand all this but .. to love someone was as easy as ABC but to forget and give up on someone that you really love it's as hard as using pure strength to break an iron bar . To take away this flower from my heart is like wanting me to kill myself . i cant do it . i really cant . cause i really love her alot .

How's my look for the night ? style huh ?? haha my hair was keong do for me one cool neh ? i'll be more cool after CNY . most likely dye hair + pierce holes . i told myself .. the moment i lose her will be the moment i changing myself from top to bottom .

HAHA at Burgerking there holding whiskey le !!! whiskey le !!! but than is with coke de LOLS onli 5% =x not those 40+% de dotz inside is actually 40% volka tho =x

The drinks that we ordered at the pub . Blue Lagoon and sex on the beach haha . quite nice tho i can say .

k ba that's all for today de le . cya guys .
i love you . i really love you . i hope someday in the near future your eyes would once again be able to see me haix .

4:20 PM
TomatoBun

Thursday, February 11, 2010

3Days already .. 3Days had just pass by me without knowing how are you doing and any news about you . i'm starting to worried .. i'm worried that you no longer love me le T.T . These past few days , did i appeared in your mind ? did u think back to the time when we spend together ma ?i wish we both could start all over again . Return back to the past . Return back to the point in time when we both watch the movie together . That point in time whatever happened , i will never ever forget about it . It means alot to me . I wish i could hear clearly from your mouth just how much i stand in your heart .
tmr jiu shi my birthday le . i wish i could celebrate it with you T.T . i really wish so .

8:49 AM
TomatoBun

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The past few days without you i'm really really feeling super empty within me . This week was really a busy week but never once a moment i stop thinking about you . i stop missing you . Everytime when i sleep , my heart will hurts alot as tears flowing down my eyes . i really miss you . i'm just too afraid in losing you . Today was the dateline for 3D art fundamental , was lining outside design school printing shop waiting for my turn to go in . i was ofcouse thinking about you when i was standing outside . That moment , i cried . Whenever i saw couple holding hands walking pass me . i'll be thinking about the time when we hold our hands together . I really miss you alot . Haix .. Today de post i jiu shi wan to let you know what do i love about you . i'll provide 10reason for that . And i am sure i'll be able to provide you with more reason in the near future .
i love you when ever i see you smile
i love you when ever i see you laugh
i love you when ever you turn and look at me
i love you when ever you ask me Ni Zhe Mo ??? when i'm giving you the emo face
i love you when ever you say dont tell you
i love you when ever you hold my hand
i love you when ever you tried to act as tho you dont miss me
i love you when the moment you tried to care about me when i hurt my hand at the couple rock
i love you when ever you are mad at me
i love you because you are just the type of girl that i am looking for after all these years .
i hope that you will be able to read this post . I type this from the bottom of my heart . I wanted no one else but you . i love you .

4:55 AM
TomatoBun

Friday, February 5, 2010

haix this few days lack of sleep due to project and assignment . today damm ... i really dont know how to explain haix do 3D art fund until afternoon than take taxi to school cause i dont wanna take bus with that dont look like rocket de rocket zz . Spend around $18 just to go school and hear teacher say 1 thing . *u sure u wan hand that in ar ? u will fail u know . u got until WEDNESDAY* . i wasted $18 and sleep just to hear the dateline is being extended ... today wasnt my day haix . My birthday coming next sat . this sat which is right now later afternoon originatly should have celebration of my birthday de but .. some last minute problem came ... dont know later that person free to celebrate with me or not haix . Tonight i lost control of my calmness again haix . What should i do ? i really dont know .

8:21 AM
TomatoBun

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

hello people i come back post le . don't be shock why am i suddenly using perfect english instead of short form ya cause i want to stop using short form so ya .. but my english still broken so hahah ^^ bare with it ar . Anw these few days very busy o ya wait before i go into topic .. Anw and brb will still continue to be short form tmr also LOLS .. lazy type long form ar =x kk back to topic .. this few days very busy with project . I'm working on an emotional rocket that expresses my feeling haha . blue/black for sadness , yellow for happyness , red for angryness and last but not least green for the feeling of jealousy . HAHA cool le . i painting these colour on acrylic than behind shine colour to make it glow . hopefully i can complete this design before friday . If not i jialet le lols . Anw someone seen to be spamming my tag box calling me a horse .. haha i admit i'm a horse .. but at least i'm a fast and handsome horse unlike you .. slow + ugly + old + no dick + ball less + hair less and a sick horse .. do you see the different ?? actually the different very simple .. let me explain to this xiao didi what do i mean , i mean you are jealous of me thats all . LOLS . i talk so much just to say you are jealous of me . Wth .. i not some kind of ah beng who will say stuff like go out meet you settle or shit like that .. infact i want you to spam more =x .. my tag box is coming alive cause of you . ty bro LOLS ... The stuff you are saying me now i already heard them 4 years back .. so i'm already use to what you are saying at me already so i dont give a shit of what you are saying ar ? haha enjoy spamming

6:43 AM
TomatoBun